Seeing Your Own Justifications

Yesterday you started looking at justifications — others’ and your own. Today you’re going deeper with a structured practice that makes the pattern hard to miss.

This works by alternation. You look at what others have done, then at what you’ve done. Back and forth. The contrast is what cracks things open.

Why Alternation Works

When you only look at what others have done to you, you build resentment. When you only look at what you’ve done to others, you build guilt. Neither of those is useful. Both are just different ways of being stuck.

But when you alternate — when you see someone else’s justification and then immediately look for your own — something shifts. You start to see that the mechanism is the same. The stories are different. The excuses sound different. But the underlying move — action, then story to avoid responsibility — is identical.

That recognition is what dissolves the invisibility. Once you see that your justifications work exactly like everyone else’s, they stop being “the truth” and start being what they are: stories.

The Process

Set a 30-minute timer as an upper bound, not a target. Get your notebook. You’re going to cycle through four questions, spending a few minutes on each, going around as many times as it takes for your own justifications to start showing up as justifications.

Question 1: What has another person done to you?

Pick something. It can be big or small. A betrayal, an insult, a disappointment. Write it down briefly.

Question 2: How did they justify it?

What story did they tell? What excuse did they give? If they never explicitly justified it, what justification can you imagine they told themselves? Write it down.

Question 3: What have you done to another person?

Now flip it. Think of something you’ve done. Something comparable in weight, if possible. Not something trivial to balance out something big. Be honest. Write it down.

Question 4: How did you justify it?

Here’s where the real work is. What story did you tell yourself? What made it okay? What was the “because” that followed the action? Write it down.

Then go back to Question 1 with a new situation and repeat.

What You’ll Notice

In the first few rounds, the contrast will feel forced. “Well, what they did was worse.” “My situation was different.” “I had a real reason.” That’s the justification mechanism fighting for its life. It doesn’t want you to see the parallel.

Keep going. By round three or four, something starts to shift. The structural similarity becomes undeniable. They had reasons. You had reasons. Their reasons felt true to them. Your reasons feel true to you. Their reasons look like excuses from the outside. Your reasons —

There it is.

When you hit that moment — when you see your own justification as a justification, not as truth — don’t push it away. Stay with it. It might feel like a small crack in something solid. It is. That crack is where light gets in.

Common Resistance

Some people can’t find their own side. They cycle through Question 1 and 2 fine, but Question 3 comes up empty. “I haven’t done anything to anyone.” If that’s happening, you’re not looking hard enough. Everyone has. The mind just doesn’t want to go there.

Try smaller actions. You don’t need to find a felony. A time you were cold when someone needed warmth. A time you broke a promise because something better came along. A time you let someone believe something that wasn’t true because correcting it would have been inconvenient.

Other people find the actions easily but can’t see the justification. “I know I did it, but I didn’t justify it.” You did. The justification might be so well-integrated that it just feels like context. “I was going through a hard time.” “They were being unreasonable.” “I didn’t know any better.” Those are justifications. They’re just wearing everyday clothes.

Today’s Practice

Set a 30-minute timer as an upper bound. Run the four-question cycle. Most people see the structural parallel by round three or four — when you do, that’s the shift, and that’s where you stop.

Write down each answer. Don’t just think it — write it. Thinking lets you skip over the uncomfortable parts. Writing makes you stay with them.

When you see your own justification as a justification — not as truth — the session is done. Pushing past that to “make sure” or “go deeper” is past-the-shift and reverses the gain.

When you’re done, read back through what you wrote. Look at the justifications on both sides — theirs and yours. Notice the pattern. Notice where your justifications are strong and automatic, and where they’re starting to soften.

If something came up that surprised you — a justification you’d never questioned before, an action you’d rather not have remembered — write a brief note about it. Not an essay. Just: “I saw this. I didn’t expect it. It’s here.”

That’s enough. You don’t need to resolve it. Seeing it is the work.