Working Through Stopping and Inhibiting

Yesterday’s session looked at domination — the active, aggressive form. Today we go after its quieter cousins: stopping and inhibiting.

Domination says “I win, you lose.” Stopping says “You don’t get to move.” Inhibiting says “You don’t get to grow.”

Different mechanisms. Same underlying drive. And for many people, stopping and inhibiting are their primary modes — not the loud domination they think they’d have to give up.

Stopping vs. Inhibiting

Stopping is direct interference. You literally prevent someone from doing something. You shoot down their idea in a meeting. You refuse to give someone information they need. You block a decision from being made. You withhold cooperation.

Inhibiting is subtler. You suppress someone’s capacity over time. Constant low-grade criticism that erodes confidence. Never acknowledging someone’s growth. Creating an environment where people learn to play small because big gets punished. You don’t stop any single action — you dampen the entire person.

Both are forms of control. Both serve the same purpose as domination — keeping you in the superior position. They just do it without the dramatic win-lose confrontation that would make the pattern obvious.

The Practice

You’ll run two pairs of alternating questions today. Continue with each pair until the weight reduces. Usually 15-20 minutes per pair.

First pair:

“How have I stopped others?”

“Spot a way to expand others.”

Same rhythm as yesterday. Question, answer, write it down, switch. Don’t analyze. Just look and note.

Stopping examples that might come up: blocking someone’s project because you didn’t control it. Refusing to make a decision, keeping everyone in limbo. Holding back approval or resources. Shooting down ideas before they’re fully formed. Changing the subject when someone gets close to something you don’t want examined.

Expanding is the antidote: opening doors, removing obstacles, giving someone room to move.

Second pair:

“How have I inhibited others’ survival?”

“Spot a way to aid others’ survival.”

This one goes deeper. Survival here means the broad ability to do well in life — career, relationships, health, self-image, all of it. How have you made it harder for someone to survive and thrive? Not through dramatic sabotage, necessarily. Through the slow erosion that’s much harder to see and much harder to admit.

Inhibiting survival examples: making someone financially dependent on you so they can’t leave. Undermining someone’s confidence over years so they don’t believe they can do better. Discouraging someone from education or growth that would make them less controllable. Using someone’s vulnerabilities against them in arguments.

Aiding survival is the antidote: actively supporting someone’s ability to be independent, capable, and strong — even when that independence means they might not need you.

What You’ll Find

Stopping and inhibiting patterns are often invisible to the person doing them. Domination at least comes with a sense of “I’m competing.” Stopping and inhibiting can feel like prudence, caution, “looking out for them,” or “just being realistic.”

“I didn’t shoot down her idea — I gave her honest feedback.”

“I’m not inhibiting him — I’m protecting him from making a mistake.”

“I’m not blocking them — I’m maintaining standards.”

Maybe. Or maybe the “feedback” always lands on what’s wrong and never on what’s working. Maybe the “protection” keeps someone dependent. Maybe the “standards” are selectively enforced to maintain your position.

The practice will show you which is which. Honest answers are usually uncomfortable. Justifications are usually comfortable. That’s your compass.

Today’s Practice

Run both pairs. Continue with each until the weight reduces — usually 15-20 minutes per pair:

First: “How have I stopped others?” / “Spot a way to expand others.”

Then: “How have I inhibited others’ survival?” / “Spot a way to aid others’ survival.”

Write everything. When you’re done, look for the pattern that connects the stopping and inhibiting instances. There’s usually a theme — a core fear or need that drives all of them. Note it. You’ll need it for the next module.