Continued Perspective Work

You practiced perspective shifting in Lesson 5 with one situation. Today you do more, and you do it with harder material.

One session of seeing from another viewpoint is interesting. It might even crack something open. But it doesn’t rewire anything. The default viewpoint — the one you’ve been locked into — has momentum. It’ll reassert itself within hours unless you keep building the counter-capacity.

Think of it like physical therapy. One session shows you the movement is possible. Consistent practice rebuilds the range of motion. You need both.

Two Directions of Difficulty

Perspective shifting is harder in some directions than others. Today you’re going to work both.

When you were hurt. Taking the perspective of someone who caused you pain is the hardest thing you’ll do in this unit. Everything in you resists it. Seeing from their viewpoint feels like it diminishes what happened to you. Like you’re letting them off the hook. Like you’re betraying yourself.

It does none of those things. What happened still happened. Your pain is still real. Seeing from their position doesn’t erase yours. It adds information. And that additional information is what loosens the fixation that keeps the wall locked in place.

When you did the hurting. This direction has a different kind of difficulty. Instead of resistance, you’ll feel guilt, shame, or the urge to minimize. “It wasn’t that bad.” “They overreacted.” “I had reasons.” From the other person’s position, it might have been worse than you’ve allowed yourself to see.

Both directions matter. One loosens the walls you built against others. The other loosens the walls you built against your own accountability.

Working the Hard Case

Pick a situation where someone hurt you. Something that still carries weight. Not the worst thing that ever happened — start one step below that. Something significant but not devastating.

Write it from all three positions.

Your position: What happened to you? What did it feel like? What did it cost you? Be fully honest about the impact. Don’t minimize it.

Their position: Why might they have done what they did? Not excusing it — explaining it. People act from their own pain, fear, blindness, survival patterns. What was driving them? What were they dealing with that had nothing to do with you?

This is where the resistance hits hardest. “Why should I care about their reasons?” Because their reasons are what make the situation make sense. Right now it might feel random, cruel, inexplicable. From their viewpoint, it had logic — even if that logic was broken or selfish. Seeing the logic doesn’t make it okay. It makes it comprehensible. And comprehensible things are less threatening than incomprehensible ones.

Observer position: What was happening between these two people? What pattern was playing out? Where were both of them blind?

Working the Other Direction

Now pick a situation where you hurt someone. Something you’ve minimized, justified, or avoided looking at. Not necessarily the worst thing you’ve done. Something real.

Your position: What were you dealing with? What drove the behavior? What did you tell yourself at the time?

Their position: How did it land on them? What did they experience? What did it cost them? Don’t soften this. Let yourself see the impact from their side — the one you’ve been avoiding.

Observer position: What was the pattern? What were both people doing? Where were you both blind?

What This Builds

When you can see from the position of someone who hurt you, walls built against that kind of person begin to loosen. Not because the person deserves it. Because your viewpoint is no longer a prison.

When you can see from the position of someone you hurt, walls built on “I’m the good one” or “I wouldn’t do that” start to shift. Because you did do that. And you’re still here. The world didn’t end. You can hold that and keep going.

Both capacities make you more flexible. More able to engage with the full complexity of human relationships rather than operating from a fixed script of who’s good and who’s bad.

Today’s Practice

Do the three-position exercise twice.

Situation 1: Where you were hurt. Write all three positions. Notice the resistance in Position 2. Push through it. You’re not forgiving anyone. You’re expanding what you can see.

Situation 2: Where you hurt someone. Write all three positions. Notice the discomfort in Position 2. Let yourself see it. You’re not destroying yourself with guilt. You’re getting honest about impact.

After both exercises, write a few sentences about what was different between the two. Which direction was harder? Which one revealed more? Which one loosened something?

This is your practice for now — but it’s also a skill you’ll carry forward. Whenever you find yourself locked into a viewpoint, the three-position exercise can break the lock. Not by making you wrong. By making the picture bigger.